GRATITUDE ROCKS

by Nicholas de Castella

It is Tuesday, I am lying in bed with a very sore throat. I have been here for the last couple of days. My throat is so sore to swallow that it makes me convulse slightly. My body is tight and aching from being in the pain. I’ve got a thumping head ache from the pain, my eyes are sore, I feel foggy because my sleeps have been broken by being awakened by the pain each time I swallow.

I am thinking about this weeks heart thoughts, How can I use this suffering positively? ...and... gratitude comes to mind. How can I find gratitude now? I ask myself. I realise that if I could find gratitude now then I would be a lot more happy a lot more of the time because it lowers the threshold of how good things have to be for me to feel happy. Potentially, I could feel happy when things are not how I want them to be and when things are not going how I want them to go.

I ask myself: What have I to be grateful for?

I hear an answer that goes like this: Well apart from my lovely wife, Susan, my darling boys Charles and Alexander, the beautiful house and country side I live in, all my friends, a fulfilling and rich career, my fine car, all the amazing technology and other comforts I enjoy...

But right now I am not feeling all that happy about being here in such misery. What good is this? How could I be grateful about having a throat infection?

I hear an answer that goes like this: Time out Nicholas, time to go within and connect, appreciation of all the rest of my body (that all the other parts are working so well and that I don’t feel pain from them also), compassion - for Susan (who has been going through the same thing last week, when most of the time I was annoyed because it was inconveniencing me, as it meant I had to carry an extra load), time to look at myself about how I had fallen out of nurturing myself by being too busy (and not regularly meditating and not eating well), realising that I over did it on the weekend trying to paint the house and seeing a pattern of being the ‘solo man’ - and my need to ask for help in the future (not just on the house but also on promoting our seminars) and for being in the midst of a deep cleansing of my body and mind...

I start to soften about the situation I am in. My throat is still sore, but more accepting and at ease with it. It seems cultivating gratitude is a work in progress...

Today, it is Friday, I feeling clear, fresh and light. A fog that has been present all week has lifted and the sun is shining. My throat feels a just little ‘thick’ and I am at ease as I tap this article out on the keyboard.

Gratitude is the Master Key
Of all the heart qualities, gratitude is the master key to opening the doorway to Opportunity, Abundance and Happiness.

What is Gratitude?
Gratitude is a wholesome feeling in our hearts that arises naturally when our hearts are relaxed, peaceful and open. It is not so much an emotion as it is a state of mind and being.

What we focus on expands
This is because what we focus on we add energy to and it expands. Our feelings give rise to our thoughts which give rise to more feelings and actions that affects how others respond to us and this usually determines our results.

The state of our mind becomes habitual.
Whatever state we predominantly focus on becomes ingrained in us and we tend to live our lives in ways that just reinforces it.

Bad turns to worse
When we are in a state of victim consciousness, holding fear and resentment, we spend a lot of time thinking about all the negative things that have happened in our lives. We then tend to be more moody, abrupt and impatient. The outcome of this state is often that bad turns to worse.

I have a friend who was desperately short of money. She got a job, but was so overwhelmed by the fear that it interrupted her performance at work and she got the sack. If she could have focused on the goodness in her life she would have been able to stay more relaxed, open and perform better at work - and this would have secured her job.

Good turns to even better
When we cultivate gratitude we naturally think about the good things in our life and we tend to feel happy and enthusiastic which facilitates us achieving our desires. I have a friend who met a man who drove limousines in the Philippines. This man was a very cheery chap. Always smiling and enthusiastic. Next time my friend went back he arranged for the same driver. When my friend saw the driver this time he was still the same old cheery self and very excitedly told my friend that one of his clients had bought and given him a limousine.

Think about the kind of language you hear from successful and happy people. They are not positive because they are successful and happy it is why they are successful and happy

We see what we feel
How we are feeling determines how we perceive situations. If I am feeling happy I will tend to focus on the positive and diminish the negative. If I am feeling resentful, cynical, jealous or skeptical I will tend to focus on the negative and diminish the positive.

Enlightenment is an attitude.
It is not what is happening that determines our experience, but our attitude to what is happening. Trying to change the world to fit our version of how it ‘should’ be is limited and tends to result in frustration and misery. If we want to experience a more happy and contented life it is more important to work on cultivating a positive attitude to what ‘is’.

Why aren’t we grateful?
When we are holding an unresolved lot of hurt from the past we tend to be resentful, bitter, sceptical and cynical. Before I started my our personal development journey (not counting my birth) I was suffering from lots of unresolved feelings. I even went out and bought a gun - I was so shut down and fearful.

As we heal our past by feeling the unresolved feelings, we automatically reconnect with our open heartedness and our outlook on life becomes less fearful and more optimistic.

What about the people who are suffering?
Isn't it wrong to be happy when others are suffering? Sometimes we block our own happiness because we feel guilty about those who are suffering. It’s like keeping ourselves small so others wont feel intimidated by us. If we keep ourselves miserable by holding back our joy and shutting our hearts in guilt, what have we added to the world - more unhappiness.

The idea I prefer is that we heal ourselves (by being true) so that the peace, love and happiness in our hearts overflows into the lives of the people around us. We inspire and uplift those around us by letting our own light shine. This is benefiting others.


How do we Cultivate Gratitude?
Here’s a 9 ways I choose to consciously cultivate gratitude:

1. Practice Heart Centring
Connecting to our hearts naturally gives rise to a sense of gratitude.

2. Focus on the good things in our lives
Journal - Write a list of good things you enjoy.
Thank you! You can practice being appreciative for the good things
Grace before meals is a great ritual for this, as is bedtime prayers.
In bed at night when you wake up - think about all the good in your life.

3. Find the good purpose in everything
Everything that happens in your life is an opportunity for you to grow. When things are not going so well you can turn your perception around by asking yourself the following four questions (this is what successful people do all the time):
‘What is the good purpose in this’
‘What can I learn from this experience’
‘How can I improve myself and grow from this’
‘What is this an opportunity for me to heal’

4. Gratitude Rocks
Some people carry a small pebble in their pockets and each time they touch it they give thanks for something they are grateful for in their lives.

5. Five positives
Susan and I have this practice where if one of us is being particularly negative and toxic about an issue we are challenged to say five positives about it also. By the time we reach the fifth positive we are usually both laughing, or at least have a bit of a smirk on our faces.

6. Night time Appreciation
In our couples workshops we teach a practice of before going to sleep at night time thanking your partner for something you are grateful for that they have done in the day.

7. Practice praise and appreciation
Take time to acknowledge those around you for the simple things you appreciate about them. It is more powerful if you give a specific example of what you are grateful for. It may be as simple as saying: “I really like the colors in that shirt you have on” or “I really admire how kind and patient you are with your friends” or “That was a scrumptious dinner, I really enjoyed how juicy the roast was”.

8. Gratitude Journal
If you want to totally transform your life buy a journal and each day write down 10 things you are grateful for. You will be amazed at what turns up in your life.

9. Rejoice in the good fortune of others
Celebrate and acknowledge when you see other people being successful or enjoying the things you would like to have yourself. At the end of last year in our Heart Centred Living group a single woman who dearly wanted a loving relationship was acknowledging one of the men about how much she admired his relationship with his wife. Some deep healing happened for her in that moment. Today she is holidaying with a wonderful man in Vietnam!


Wow - I did not expect to see so many ways of practicing gratitude come out of this keyboard!

Maybe you have some favorites of your own?

I’d love to hear them.